Roundup No. 24 š„±š
How to pop off at work, self-sabotage and dating, buying a house in a seller's market, the new BMW 2-Series, and a comment on chosen family.
Welcome to The Boring Gay Roundup! Career, relationship, money, and cars from a boring gay man in <5 minutes. If you havenāt already, subscribe below!
Career
We spend a ton of time at work and the frustrating aspects of it will naturally conjure unprofessional feelings that you feel compelled to express. I recently came across one of these unprofessional exchanges via email (that didnāt involve meā¦but lord knows Iāve been there). I read it and thought - damn, these two people went in. It was an uncomfortable exchange to read and neither party will ever forget how the other handled that tension. How the situation was handled will likely spread through the rumor mill, perceptions will be built, biases will become embeddedā¦one rude email exchange can really do damage depending on the workplace and people involved. So how do you handle wanting to be heard but still remaining professional? One trick that works for me is writing an email or a note on my phone about how I feel and never sending it. You can be completely honest and say everything you feel. That process alone relieves some tension. Sometimes youāll read it over and feel like you donāt care enough to do anything further. Sometimes youāll read it and get angrier, or remain just as angry. My tip here is to WAIT. Read the same message the next day, a few days later, the following week. Edit it based on how you feel. Maybe the words were too strong, Maybe you were heated about a number of things and about to take it all out on one person involved in a limited capacity. If after some time you still feel compelled to express yourself, take one final step. Share the note with a trusted friend or colleague and ask them to give their opinion on the pros and cons of sending it. Maybe they will suggest toning down the language so you donāt face backlash. Maybe theyāll say youāre justified in sending it and it sounds professional. Ultimately, expressing yourself is important, but doing so unprofessionally (although warranted) may make your work life more difficult and blow up a situation more than it needs to be.
Relationships
I donāt consider myself big on self-sabotage, but this week I was confronted with whether or not I engage in it. I matched with this guy on a dating app that I have matched with at least three or four times before over the years. Without fail, every single time I match, I say something and he never responds back. Sometimes I send a second message (because things happen) and he still doesnāt respondā¦at which point I unmatch. Why I continue to match with him I donāt understand. Usually, if I remember that someone on an app is a non-responder, I just skip them. But hey, times are tough, people (me) are desperate, and fourth chances are given. So this time he responds after a week of the match sitting there to say that he āhates appsā and would rather text. I love a person who hates dating apps but consistently makes time to be on dating apps to match people. So I guess this guy doesnāt hate apps (weāve matched four times), he just hates putting in the effort by talking? At any rate, I texted him politelyā¦and then mentioned what I just said (we match a lot, you never speak, why even be on dating apps, etc.) This, of course, upset him because it was a ārudeā way to start a conversation. So I went deeper on the topic, blowing up his texts with summaries of his own hypocrisy, which led to an argument. But my question to myself now is why did I even engage? Knowing he was upset, and that hitting him with more truth bombs would make him more upset, why did I continue? Ultimately, this guy was finally talking - resolving my one issue with him. I should have never engaged with him to begin with, or, since I was now engaging, I should have just put my best foot forward if I wanted to give it a chance. Instead, I annoyed him, annoyed myself, and ended up right where I was. Manless in Seattle. Whether or not this guy deserved a chance really isnāt the point - what I learned is that if I choose to engage with someone, I might as well not sabotage it. Otherwise, I should just make better initial choices.
Sponsor -Ā Louder for the Gays in the Back
Want to plug your business, project, cause, etc. onĀ The Boring Gay Roundup?Ā Letās talk!
Money
āItās not the right time to buy a house.ā A common statement made by people who have a logical but skewed approach to real estate investing. Yes, the real estate market is seeing prices at historic highs. You likely cannot afford to buy a house or condo up to your standards in an area convenient to your current life. You may feel like you donāt have the money for a down payment right now. But does that mean itās not the right time to buy, or does it mean that itās time to reimagine what real estate investing is. If itās not the right time to buy your own house, maybe itās time to invest some money in real estate crowdfunding (i.e. Fundrise). Maybe you consider buying a cheaper property out of state and renting it at a small profit. Maybe you havenāt done enough research to realize that there are extremely low down payment options available to people at historically low mortgage rates (which help offset high real estate prices). Maybe you start putting aside a little money every month in a robo-advisor investment app (Acorns, Betterment) so you can actually build that down payment. Maybe, as a starting point, you start thinking about how to reduce some of your monthly expenses to create a small savings amount to begin your down payment goal. āItās not the right time to buy a houseā is a fair statement, but not if thatās your excuse to do nothing and spend the money that may help you become a homeowner on stuff that doesnāt appreciate (vacations, cars, clothes, etc.) The people who said, āitās not the right timeā five years ago continue to say āitās not the right timeā today. Please donāt become those people - there are always steps you can take to get into the game.
Cars
BMW recently released information on the next generation of its 2-Series entry-level coupe. The car will initially come in two models - the 230i (with a 255hp turbo four-cylinder engine) and the M240i (powered by a 382hp turbocharged six-cylinder engine). My second thought when I saw this was wow - that M240i should be pretty damn fun. Thatās almost as much horsepower as I had in my 2011 M3 years ago. But my first thought was wow - I hate how this thing looks. The front isnāt so bad but I feel like someone made a mistake on the rear. I thought the current generation 2-Series was bland to begin with, but it eventually grew on me (especially in M2 form). Iām sure the M2 of this new generation might look ok too, but BMW designers seem to be dropping the ball lately. On top of that, I feel like BMWās interior design has not evolved for at least a decade. But, at the end of the day, I bet this will be fun to drive. The new 230i starts at about $37K (two grand more than the outgoing model) and the M240i will be $49K. Man, I remember when entry-level luxury meant $30K but these days the number is quickly approaching $40Kā¦#inflation.
Comment of the Week
Comment of the weekĀ in response to my post on not having to put on an act to gain friends through gay stereotypesā¦
Please help me by forwarding my newsletter toĀ one friendĀ this weekĀ because my task of the entire day was going to Jamba Juiceā¦a reality that can only be improved by new follower alerts. If you canāt forward, at least click the <3 below to make my Sunday!
I so agree with your take on the housing market. I am so lucky an ex-landlord forced me to buy a place and showed me the ropes. Owning real estate can make all the difference in your financial life which in turn improves confidence and emotional life too.
Welcome back! It's nice to read your insightful thoughts and car commentary once again.
Investing seems to have become a popular thing as of late. But how do you know where to begin? I have a little bit of money in Acorns, but I've also heard of Index funds being a better way or even to start investing in individual stocks through Robinhood. So many choices can be overwhelming.
And also about chasing after the one guy on the app only for it to blow up in your face. I'm sorry that it happened to you. It seems like it's something that happens a lot. I know when I tried apps about 3 years ago, there would always be those guys I matched with and really hoped it would go further but ended up being met with silence, going nowhere, or they were just looking for a quick fling. I guess when you're looking for love, the reality gets romanticized and obscured by the rose colored glasses.